Why hello old friend...oh, and see ya later!

After more talks yesterday about baby #2 and what our different options are, Hubby stopped, took a deep breath and said "Man, how easy would it be to say "ready for #2?", do thing's the old fashion way and BAM! pregnant! Then 9 months later we'd have a baby." I agreed with a deep breath and a "Yeah, I know". How easy must that be. No deep decisions to make. No unknown time before your baby actually comes. No huge financial hurdles to make.  And then, in the blink of an eye she appeared, rearing her ugly little head;  Ah, bitterness, haven't seen you in a while... unwelcome back.

This is really the first time since Lovebug has been born that those specific feelings arose like that in me. Feelings of injustice, and envy, and anger. It was just automatic. I thought of an acquaintance who get's pregnant at the drop of a dime and happens to be pregnant with her 5th at the moment and I thought about how I always wanted a big family and due to the high cost of adoption, that probably wont happen for us. I thought about how awesome it would be to just be excited in the months leading up to our 2nd childs birth and not have all the questions and anxiety of whether or not it will actually happen. My flesh just completely took over for a second before I screamed STOP in my head! I had to stop. I can't go there. This is where we are. This is where God has us. No matter if the details seem "fair" or not. This is our path.

As all of this was swirling through my head my Hubby, who had excused himself to get Lovebug up from her nap, returned with the most beautiful, precious child I've ever laid eyes on. And at that moment I realized, no matter what, this is where I want to be!

Precious girl snuggling her Daddy :)

Decisions, Decision

International adoption? Domestic adoption?

International adoption? Domestic adoption?

International adoption? Domestic doption?

It's kinda the question of the year at the moment. Sort of.

We're in the mini stages of talking about our next adoption (insert shocked face here!) and although we've just always assumed we'd go the domestic route again, something in my heart it steering toward international adoption. It doesn't seem feasible on so many levels and when I think about it logically, domestic adoption seems like the way to go again(as it very well could be). But, God's stirring something up in me for a reason and I feel it big time. My first reaction with stuff like this is to take action! Read every international adoption blog, find out about different international programs and so on, but I know what I really need to do is be still and let Him lead us...

Lord, as we come to yet another crossroad in our lives, let it be you that guides us. Let not our emotions or brains get in the way, but let us be still enough to hear you, waiting for your direction in our journey for our 2nd precious child. ~Amen

"Be still and know that I am God.." Psalm 46:10

Frugal Fanny

I wont be featured on the next "Ex.treme Couponing" show and I'm sure there are plenty of people out there that would blow my socks off with their couponing success, but yesterday I kicked some major couponing butt! Now, I should say that I'm not trying to create a huge stock pile where I have 600 rolls of papaer towels and enough mustard to last us through the apocalypse. I actually think shows like the aforementioned are a bunch of bunk and only create unwanted attention to couponing from "success" stories that are staged and only allowed to happen by bent rules. I coupon because, as a stay-at-home mom, it's my way of helping with our finances. With a toddler, home expansion plans and not too far off 2nd adoption plans in the works, if I can find a way to stretch a dollar the by golly I'll try!

Ok, so here's how yesterday went. I went to 2 stores: Publix and CVS. I ended up at Publix twice, which I try not to do, but the 2nd deal was way worth it and only for that day (They actually PAID me .02 to take $20 worth of cereal out of their store!!). So, what did I end up with and how much did I spend? Well, first I'll tell you what I got:

I got 2 24ct bottles of Advil, 2 bottles of Childrens Advil, 2 boxes of Thermacare Heat wraps, 2 bags of Cascadian Farms frozen fruit, 3 Jumbo packs of Huggies Slip On diapers, 8 packs of Gatorade Energy Bites, 2 packs of Band-aids, Gain dish soap, 2 boxes of Kleenex, 4 boxes of cereal, $10 in ExtraCare Bucks (money at CVS) and a $10 gas card! 

So what was my grand total for the day? 

Well, before you count the money I recieved back I spent a whopping $34 for everything listed, but after you count the $20 I made back my grand total for everything bought was only $14!!!! My total savings? $101.90(121.90 counting the $20 made back!)!!!

Here's a picture of the loot!

Crazy right?! I'm hooked. I love getting stuff for free and I love being able to do this for our family! Plus,  I have the sweetest  little couponing companion... what more could I ask?!

One year ago today....

One year ago today our lives officially changed forever when Lovebug was place into our arms and hearts forever! (Want to read the details about that day? Click here!) This past year has undoubtedly been the best time of our lives. Our lives have been so enriched and filled with love by this little girl. We've learned more about each other and we've learned more about ourselves through her. We've witnessed first hand the most primal love you can have for your child. The kind of love that's immeasurable. What's the most amazing to me is that when I think it's impossible to love her anymore, I wake up the next day and my love for her has compounded! Everyday I love her more than the previous day. A year ago today I couldn't even imagine how I would feel today and today I can't imagine how I ever lived without her! Mommy loves you baby girl, always and forever!

Our first cuddle one year ago today!

Come hell or high winds...

This does not bode well for Lovebugs beach birthday bash!

But, come hell or high winds we're celebrating this weekend! I can't wait to sing her happy birthday and watch her eat her first bite of cake! Knowing her she's going to dig in with both hands! 

Last night Hubby and I had an emotional night. We looked through my iPhone at the first pictures we were sent of Lovebug right after she was born and then scrolled through the hundreds we've taken since then. We laughed at how chubby she used to be and cried at how skinny she's getting! We were amazed at how much that little wrinkly little baby looks just like our Isla now, but how when she was that tiny we couldn't imagine what she'd look like at 1. We sat there just thinking about where we were at this time last year and where we are now.

At this time last year we were all sorts of scared and excited. Having gone through a failed adoption prior we were hesitant to put our whole hearts in, but found it impossible not to. At this time last year, C had already had one false labor scare so we were on edge wondering how soon Lovebug would come. Ever day that passed just compounded that anxiety. At this time last year, I would wander into the still babiless nursery and wonder what it would be like to finally rock our baby in the rocking chair or to hear quiet cries coming from the crib. Often just sitting in there dreaming of what could be.

But now, a year later, as I sit and write this I'm surrounded by toys and folded toddler clothes in shades of pink and purple. Where there used to be pictures of just hubby and I, now hangs family pictures with Mommy, Daddy and Lovebug.  The once empty nursery is now occupied by a precious little girl sleeping soundly in her crib and this once broken yearning heart has now been filled to the max, over flowing in fact with love for the baby I prayed for, for so long.

So bring it on Tropical Storm Emily. There's no storm big enough to squash the celebrating we'll be doing this weekend. We're celebrating our girl! Lets party toddler style!

This Moment

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Did you know...

... that in your weakness he is made strong? Did you know that God uses even the most broken people to affect the world and his kingdom?

I'm still doing my Women of the Bible study and although I've been through it before, God is revealing things to me that flew over my head the last time. This week is about Tamar. Did you know that through Tamars bloodline would eventually come Jesus? Did you know also that in order for Tamar to continue her bloodline she had to impersonate a prostitute in order to conceive with her father in law? Sounds like an ancient day episode of Jerr.y S.pringer, no? Well, it's true.

Tamar was first married to Er, the son of Judah (who was Jacob and Leah's son). The bible doesn't say much of Er other than he was wicked and killed for his sins. After Er died, Jacob followed the custom in that day and gave Tamar his second son, Onan, to conceive a child, but the child was to carry on Er's lineage, not Onan's. Onan wasn't down with that, so although he took advantage of the physical aspect of marriage, he always made sure to not conceive a child with Tamar. The bible put's it this way: "But, Onan knew the heir would not be his; and when it came to pass, that he went into his brothers wife, he emitted on the ground. Lest he should give an heir to his brother." (Gen. 38:9) And for his sin, he was also killed. Judah's 3rd son was too young to marry, so Tamar would have to wait for him to come of age to conceive a child. As time passed Tamar was tired of waiting and heard news of Judah's wife passing and his journey to Timnah. She decided to make things happen for herself. She disguised herself as a prostitute, sat by the side of the road and waited for Judah, who upon coming across her took the bait and unknowingly conceived a child with his daughter-in-law.

So what does all this mean? It means that no matter the circumstances that brought you to the place your at in your life, God can still use you for good. Regardless of what you've done. There may be consequences for your actions, and they may really stink, but God still loves you and can and still wants to use you. In Matthew 1 it lists the genealogy of Jesus. Listed there are over 40 male relatives (who had plenty of their own issues) and only 5 female relatives. Of those 5, 3 of them, Tamar, Rehab and Bathsheba were adulterers, prostitutes and murders. But, God chose to use them. Not because approves of their actions, but because in their weakness his strength was made perfect! He chose these imperfect women to bring about his son, the Messiah. If God could use them for the most important event in history, surely he can use you to positively affect the world your in today! Be encouraged!

"And he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness'" 2 Corinthians 12:9