My baby, you amaze me!

Ok, I'll just say it: My daughter amazes me daily! I never cease to be amazed at the things she knows and says. A few days ago, as I made breakfast and Lovebug played at her play kitchen, I started to hear her count... in SPANISH!

"Uno, dos, tress, cuatro, cinco, seis...."

Say what?!! The most amazing thing is we've never worked on counting in Spanish to her. She loves Dora and Handy Manny, which is undoubtedly where she learned it, but that's the amazing thing to me. She doesn't sit in front of the TV all day. We watch maybe one or 2 shows a day after waking from a nap or while I'm cooking dinner. She just hears or sees things and soaks them up! It's crazy.

Then today as we drove past the local post office I heard a tiny voice from the back seat say "Cisten?" (Cristen, bmom's imaginary blog name ;)). It took me a second to realize where we were and then it dawned on me, the last time we went to the post office was a few days ago to mail off a Mothers Day package to C. We talked all about it and I let Lovebug decorate the package with markers and tape. We wrapped it in Lovebugs special, squiggly paper and talked about how excited C would be to get this in the mail. Anyhow, as we drove past the post office again, she must have been remembering our trip to mail C's gift. But, then she amazed me again. She went on with her thoughts "Cisten? Nanny? Eat Pizza!" I can't tell you what I felt when she said that. It was really something.

As I sat there and listened to my 21 months old daughter recount our last visit with her birthmom and birthgrandparents I just melted! Melted! I know 6 weeks doesn't seem like very long to an adult, but it seems like a long time for a 21 month old. She remembered everything "Pizza hot" (we kept making her wait to eat becuase the pizza was like molten lava. seriously), "see water" (there was a water fountain in the town square that she wanted to see so badly, but had to wait until after dinner), "Hug Nanny". She talked about it like it was yesterday. She even recounted a funny part of the visit "Papa.... I shy". She had a hard time warming up to C's dad this time. She would talk and laugh with C and N, but then when P would look at her she'd freeze and look at the ground. Apparently this stuck out in her brain too and she felt is was worthwhile to mention again.

It was a fitting conversation to have on the eve of this weekend. It was comforting. Although Lovebug may not yet understand the place C holds in her life, she knows C's there and even though we've only seen them twice since Lovebug was born, she seems to know they're important enough people to file in her brain. Not just random people we bumped into and had pizza with. It make me feel that, even through the recent frustrations I felt in our OA, it's worth it. It's all worth it.

It makes this Mama's heart happy and I'm pretty sure it makes her birthmama's heart happy as well :)

Vacation and 1st visit 2011!

Our hike at Chimney Rock!

Wow! Whats an amazing 10 days we just had. First off I have to brag a bit because I'm pretty sure we have the best baby ever! Last Friday started our journey north. I was pretty nervous because, aside from the drive home when Lovebug was 13 days old, we've not driven more then 2 hours with her in the car and at 10.5 months old she knows she can get up and move and doesn't like to sit still! But, much to Mommy and Daddy's heartwarming surprise, she was an absolute angel in the car(not that she's not usually an angel... but you know what I mean)! She napped, she played, we read books and for those moments when it seemed she was about to flip, we had the back up Baby Einstein...Shhh..don't tell anyone!

So our vacation went something like this:

For the first 4 1/2 days we stayed in a cabin with dear friends in North Carolina. We went to the zoo, hiked up Chimney Rock to see the most beautiful view, hiked to a waterfall, the boys went mountain biking and the girls hung at the beautiful cabin, swinging on the huge porch swing(I mean seriously, it was a twin bed on a swing!), picking blackberries and soaking up just being in the quiet, beautiful smokey mountains. To say it was relaxing is an understatement.

The cabin

Next we went south to Georgia to visit Aunt M and Uncle P! While there we visited the Georgia Aquarium, went to an amazing indoor pool that had a playground in the water (Lovebug was all over that! I swear she's secretly a fish!) and while in GA we got to see Lovebugs birthfamily!! The aquarium was gorgeous! Within 10 minutes of seeing the fish, Lovebug learned what a fish say's. If you ask her "Lovebug, what does a fish say?" She's opens and closes her mouth in kind of a "pop, pop, pop" way. It's beyond adorable!

At the Aquarium

But, I want to stop the story here for a second before we talk about our visit...I know I referred to Lovebugs "birthfamily", but I've come to realize that I don't like adoption lingo too much. To me "birthfamily" doesn't really fit. They weren't just her family at birth. They're still her family. They're our family. After our visit this became even more apparent. So, lately I've been stewing over whats appropriate. Do we say "other family"? Then I feel like there's a divide for Lovebug. Maybe "first family"? I'm not sure. Maybe we'll just refer to them as "The 'insert last name'" like we do with other extended family members. And for C, I don't know what to call her. Some use "Tummy Mommy", C herself sometimes jokingly says "Wommy" for womb mommy, some use Mama C. Not sure, I think I'll ask her what she comfortable with and we'll go from there.

Ok, back to the story. So our visit was great! Being the normal ball of nerves I can be, I was shocked at how calm I felt about the whole thing! In the days leading up I didn't feel anything but excitement to see C and her family! But, as we parked the car and started to walk up, knowing that right around the corner stood the women that brought our daughter into the world and the family that loves her so, I got nervous. What was this going to be like? Would they crumble as they saw her? What if Lovebug was unusually clingy to me or Hubby and didn't want to go to anyone? What if I can't keep it together? As we walked up, about to round the corner, I looked at Hubby and said "It's 'bout to get heavy up in here!" Breaking the tension slightly, we laughed and made the turn. The first faces we saw were C and her mom with huge smiles and a welcoming "hello"! Immediately, my fears vanished and we greeted each other with warm hugs. For the rest of the afternoon we ate lunch and played in the near by fountains, enjoying talking to each other about life and Lovebug. They got to see of Lovebugs newest tricks. On the trip she'd learned what an elephant and a fish say and loved showing off her new skills to everyone! I kinda felt like the paparazzi snapping pictures left and right, but I wanted to remember these moments forever. I loved seeing each of them hold Lovebug for the first time since she was born. Taking in all of her little self. I loved each of the little moments they all sole away with her. Watching C hold her face to face as Lovebug traced her facial features (before grabbing her nose, but hey still sweet!) watching C's sister introduce C's niece to her cousin for the first time, seeing C's dad gaze down at Lovebug and watching Lovebug cuddle up on C's mom's shoulder as we walked over to the fountains.

It was overwhelming to see how much love our daughter has in her life.

After the girls played in the fountains for a while, it was time for C and her family to head home. I was sad that our afternoon with them was ending unsure of when we'd see them again. As we said our goodbyes, C said she was planning to come down our way to visit a friend in the fall and gestured that while she was down she wanted to head down our way! We're so excited! I was especially excited because we initiated this visit, so to have her initiate the next one felt awesome!

So to cap it off, vacation 2011 was huge! Not only was it our first family road trip where we had an unbelievable time, but also Lovebugs first family reunion. God has so richly blessed our lives in the past year, it's sometimes hard to take it all in. But, in every moment we're thankful to the One who was faithful to give us the desires of our hearts. Desire's that at time's we couldn't fully see, but now we see in plain view.

Little Update!

I received an email from C the other day and we set our plans for our first visit! I was so relived to get her email and put to rest the what ifs in my head.

I'm so excited for the visit. I can't wait to see Lovebug interact with C and her family and share this experience with them. It's not often that you can be with people who without a doubt love your child as much as you do and appreciate the smallest details of your childs existence. I can't wait to watch them as they see Lovebug crawl for the first time and hear her sweet voice for the first time in person. To smell her sweet skin and run their fingers through her beautiful black hair. Sounds magical right? Cue the perfectly timed, overly emotional Hollywood music! Ha! But, I realize it's not all lollypops and rainbows. Although adoption is a beautiful thing, it's also a painful thing. I accept that, but it's doesn't make it any easier. I'm afraid for the pain that Lovebugs family, particularly her birthmother,  may feel after the visits over. I just have to trust that the same loving arms that wrapped around them the first time will again engulf them this time. And I know they will.


"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
         Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
  I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
         My God, in Him I will trust.”" Psalm 91:1-2


2 weeks from today. The count down begins!