Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Why hello old friend...oh, and see ya later!

After more talks yesterday about baby #2 and what our different options are, Hubby stopped, took a deep breath and said "Man, how easy would it be to say "ready for #2?", do thing's the old fashion way and BAM! pregnant! Then 9 months later we'd have a baby." I agreed with a deep breath and a "Yeah, I know". How easy must that be. No deep decisions to make. No unknown time before your baby actually comes. No huge financial hurdles to make.  And then, in the blink of an eye she appeared, rearing her ugly little head;  Ah, bitterness, haven't seen you in a while... unwelcome back.

This is really the first time since Lovebug has been born that those specific feelings arose like that in me. Feelings of injustice, and envy, and anger. It was just automatic. I thought of an acquaintance who get's pregnant at the drop of a dime and happens to be pregnant with her 5th at the moment and I thought about how I always wanted a big family and due to the high cost of adoption, that probably wont happen for us. I thought about how awesome it would be to just be excited in the months leading up to our 2nd childs birth and not have all the questions and anxiety of whether or not it will actually happen. My flesh just completely took over for a second before I screamed STOP in my head! I had to stop. I can't go there. This is where we are. This is where God has us. No matter if the details seem "fair" or not. This is our path.

As all of this was swirling through my head my Hubby, who had excused himself to get Lovebug up from her nap, returned with the most beautiful, precious child I've ever laid eyes on. And at that moment I realized, no matter what, this is where I want to be!

Precious girl snuggling her Daddy :)


  1. I have those thoughts occasionally as well but I remind myself that I wouldn't have my beautiful baby girl any other way. But yeah~ I'd love to know what it was like to say "let's have another" and bam~ we're pregnant!

  2. Girl, these are my thoughts EXACTLY!!! It's just so exhausting thinking about #2, but I know it will be so worth it. ((hugs)) for you today!