My baby, you amaze me!

Ok, I'll just say it: My daughter amazes me daily! I never cease to be amazed at the things she knows and says. A few days ago, as I made breakfast and Lovebug played at her play kitchen, I started to hear her count... in SPANISH!

"Uno, dos, tress, cuatro, cinco, seis...."

Say what?!! The most amazing thing is we've never worked on counting in Spanish to her. She loves Dora and Handy Manny, which is undoubtedly where she learned it, but that's the amazing thing to me. She doesn't sit in front of the TV all day. We watch maybe one or 2 shows a day after waking from a nap or while I'm cooking dinner. She just hears or sees things and soaks them up! It's crazy.

Then today as we drove past the local post office I heard a tiny voice from the back seat say "Cisten?" (Cristen, bmom's imaginary blog name ;)). It took me a second to realize where we were and then it dawned on me, the last time we went to the post office was a few days ago to mail off a Mothers Day package to C. We talked all about it and I let Lovebug decorate the package with markers and tape. We wrapped it in Lovebugs special, squiggly paper and talked about how excited C would be to get this in the mail. Anyhow, as we drove past the post office again, she must have been remembering our trip to mail C's gift. But, then she amazed me again. She went on with her thoughts "Cisten? Nanny? Eat Pizza!" I can't tell you what I felt when she said that. It was really something.

As I sat there and listened to my 21 months old daughter recount our last visit with her birthmom and birthgrandparents I just melted! Melted! I know 6 weeks doesn't seem like very long to an adult, but it seems like a long time for a 21 month old. She remembered everything "Pizza hot" (we kept making her wait to eat becuase the pizza was like molten lava. seriously), "see water" (there was a water fountain in the town square that she wanted to see so badly, but had to wait until after dinner), "Hug Nanny". She talked about it like it was yesterday. She even recounted a funny part of the visit "Papa.... I shy". She had a hard time warming up to C's dad this time. She would talk and laugh with C and N, but then when P would look at her she'd freeze and look at the ground. Apparently this stuck out in her brain too and she felt is was worthwhile to mention again.

It was a fitting conversation to have on the eve of this weekend. It was comforting. Although Lovebug may not yet understand the place C holds in her life, she knows C's there and even though we've only seen them twice since Lovebug was born, she seems to know they're important enough people to file in her brain. Not just random people we bumped into and had pizza with. It make me feel that, even through the recent frustrations I felt in our OA, it's worth it. It's all worth it.

It makes this Mama's heart happy and I'm pretty sure it makes her birthmama's heart happy as well :)

"After a visit" OA Roundtable #37

This Open Adoption Roundtable is all about how you feel after a visit and since we've just recently come back from our second visit with Lovebugs birth family, it's all fresh in my mind. But, lets start at visit 1.....

I remember the anticipation of visit one like it was yesterday. Lovebug was 10 months old at the time and we hadn't seen Lovebug's birthmom or birth family for almost exactly 1 year, since we didn't see them at the hospital. We were meeting at a restaurant to have lunch and hopefully play in the nearby fountains. I was so excited and so nervous! I had all these things rushing through my head from one direction to the next. In one thought I worried that Lovebug wouldn't want them and in another I worried that she wouldn't want me. As we parked and walked up to the building, my knee's got a little weak. The gravity of of what was about to happen hit me at once. I remember looking at my hubby, trying to break the thickening air around us, and saying "It's bout to get real up in here!" or something to that effect. But, as we turned the corner and made our way up to the restaurant, we spotted Lovebug's birthmom and bgrandma smiling and waving and all of those fears vanished and suddenly felt very silly.

We had a good visit. Everyone was happy and talking and holding sweet Lovebug. We finished lunch and headed over to the fountains to watch the kids play. To my surprise though, I noticed Lovebugs birthmom hanging back a little, willing to be close, but not too close. After about 2 hours, birthmom decided she needed to go. So we snapped a picture of the 4 of us (one of my faves BTW!) and hugged. I'll never forget when C leaned in to kiss Lovebug on the cheek and said "see ya later" as we said our last goodbyes and Lovebug chugged her bottle in Hubby's arms. It was the first "see ya later" we witnessed. I could see the pain that sat behind her eye's, her eye lids forcing the tears back.

As they walked away, I remember feeling all sorts of things. I felt heartbroken for Lovebugs birthmom, I felt thrilled that we got to see them and that they got to see us and I felt sad that the visit was already over and truly, I felt disappointed that maybe I had expected too much. I remembered all sorts of things I wished I had told them and wondered if the things that I did say truly conveyed our feelings. It was a strange mix of emotions, that really swayed to the unpleasant side of things. I was happy, but overwhelmingly sad all at once. I wondered when and IF we'd ever see them again. Did they enjoy it seeing us and Lovebug?  Would these snap shots of our first visit be the only picture's I'd ever have to show Lovebug her birthfamilies love for her?....

Fast forward, 9 months later and we were leaving visit #2. A much more natural visit. Calmer. Like visiting old friends that you haven't seen in sometime. We had dinner, talked, laughed. I had to peel Lovebug off of my chest so they could see her beautiful face and she finally opened up some and they got to hear her chat away and throw a temper tantrum like a true toddler. It was just more relaxed and organic.  As we left dinner this time, things felt much different. The saddness wasn't there like it was the first time. I didn't see that same look behind C's eyes, and although I'm not under the misconception that there's no longer sadness, I get the impression that it's just different. And although the visit was way shorter (even more so than the last time) than I had hoped, I didn't feel disappointment and sadness driving away. Part of that is because I've become more realistic with what to expect with our situation. Not using other OA's as a standard to go by and recognizing that each OA is different, with different people and different ways of going about things. The other part of that,  I realized as we drove away, is with our first visit I had some unresolved feelings of grief for Lovebugs birthmom. I was carrying around, deep inside, a guilt for getting to be this precious baby's mommy. I realize now that some of the sadness I had when we left the first time was a feeling of guilt that we were driving away with our sweet girl and they weren't. Maybe because we hadn't experienced that in person when Lovebug was born and it took that visit to bring that to the surface and finally deal with it. This time, I did not feel that way. I felt solidified as Mommy. Confident in my role in Lovebug's life as well as C's role in Lovebug's life.   It was sad to say goodbye just because I'm not sure how long it will be until we see them again, but as I looked in our back seat and watched our sweet baby girl snuggling into her car seat, my heart couldn't feel anything, but to feel grateful and whole.

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To read other responses to this topic, head here!

This time around

Today, I'm a rollarcoaster of emotions. Yesterday, a rock grounded in Gods peace. Tomorrow, well we'll see.

Since my last post, Hubby and I decided to take a step in faith and start the adoption process earlier than expected. We rushed to get things done, finger prints, profiles, homestudy. We've been a flurry of excitement and apprehension. Trying to remember that above all, above the excitement and anticipation, we want Gods will and timing for our lives.

We've been shown to 3 different expectant moms so far, 2 choosing other families and one is still considering us and 2 other families. It's funny, but when I found out we'd been passed up by 2 moms I didn't feel sad. I felt total peace. I know God lead us to submit our application and profiles now, for these situations, but I didn't know why. Maybe because one of these babies is our child, maybe as a step in faith, maybe to serve as "options" even though God had already chosen other parents. Maybe for all of the above. It's hard to know for sure right now, but what I do know is I'm right where God wants me. He wants me here and even though I feel like I'm hanging in limbo, foot on the line waiting for the gun to sound, the anticipation building as each second passes, I feel Gods hand on my shoulder reassuring me that he's got this.

So in the mean time, I'm soaking up my sweet girl. These could be that last days I have with only her and she's getting too big to fast. I'd like to really pause at this age. At 20 months she's talking more and more each day, stringing new words together and being as funny as ever. Hubby and I keep having these super sentimental moments where Lovebug will be playing and we'll just be staring at her. One of us will remark and how fast she's growing and then we'll both look at each other and sigh. Where has our baby gone? But, as sad as it is to see one phase go, it's equally as exciting to welcome the next one. Except when it comes to the temper tantrum stage which we've just recently hit. Honestly, at this point it's not bad. More funny than anything. But, I know that eventually the endearing factor to her throwing herself to the ground in a fit of protest will fade away and then we'll be in the thick of it! But, again we'll have to rely on that ever present hand on our shoulders saying "I got this" and let Him guide us along!

"...All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" Psalm 139:16

Word of God speak

Whew. Ever have your plans laid out and then God throws you a curve ball that you have to decide quickly whether to swing at or let it pass you by and hope it wasn't a strike? Yeah, we're there.

Our plans. Let me first start out by saying, you'd think by now we'd know that *our* plans rarely work out the way we planned them. But, our plans for baby number 2 have been that we would start the adoption process at the beginning of summer. We have a few things that we'd like to get done before then, a few which are already done and few that aren't and it seemed like a good time frame.

Well, this past weekend we learned, with out going into too much detail, that there are a handful of babies that are going to be born by May and only 1 family open to adopting them. Hearing this our hearts sank. WE would love to be parents to anyone of these sweet babies, but how could it work in time? Financially how could we raise all the fee's needed, buy all the baby stuff we need, and prepare for another family memeber in just 2 1/2 months?!

Then yesterday, after praying for guidance and asking to hear the Lords voice clearly, I opened my bible to the first chapter of Luke (the next book to read in my reading plan). I couldn't help but notice the theme: in 2 separate occasions angels appeared to announce that a son would be born in an unlikely circumstances (John the Baptist and Jesus) and although in both circumstances there was a bit of confusion, Gabriel told Mary this:

 "For with God nothing will be impossible.” Luke 1:37

Wow! Thank you Lord! The words jumped off the page and straight into my heart. Nothing will be impossible! Not finances. Not life circumstances. Nothing!

Hubby and I are still committing this to prayer, but I know whatever he tells us and whatever our path maybe, Luke 1:37 is a promise straight from God that I will cling to in every circumstance! Praise God!

If you could, pray for us. Pray for Gods clear guidance and provisions. We want His will of our lives and the life of our future child. Pray that His will be done.

The chain of love: Grandparents

Grandmas. I love Grandmas. Grandpas too for that matter, but sadly I lost both of mine fairly early. But, there's something about a Grandma that just makes you feel warm and loved. There tho ones that would spoil you and send you home as a kid. The ones that looked on is horror when your mother dared to scold her perfect little baby when that baby broke the rules. They're just the ultimate soft place to land... like a mom and steroids.

Lovebugs Grandma's fit just that. She can do no wrong to them and all they care to do is just watch her be and cuddle with her. I feel so blesses for my sweet little girl that she has 2 amazing Grandma's (and Grandpa's) that melt at the mention of her name. Seriously, my mom will call and ask how "our baby" is doing that day. I can respond with "She's good. We're having a snack." and all I can hear is a long drawn out "Awwweeeee!" on the other end of the phone. I'm pretty sure I could say anything about Lovebug to her and get that response. I know that forever she'll have that soft place to land with them. An understanding ear and a warm hug. There's just no words to describe that kind of love.

Lovebug also has 2 Great Grandma's who adore her every move. Hubbys Grandma just got Skype and her first thought was... I can call Lovebug now whenever I want! She was so excited to be able to do that. Then last night I was talking with my Grandma when I mentioned that Lovebug had been sick. She quickly interrupted me and said "What?! Whats wrong with my baby?!" She then went on to mush over how Lovebug is the cutest baby ever (and added a "sorry, you were cute too, but Lovebug... well she's the cutest!" lol!) and then toward the end of the conversation she said  "I just don't know how you two got so lucky as to be her parents..."  I don't know either Gabby. I don't know either.

Then to top off the Grandparent love, Lovebug also has a Grandma and Grandpa on her Birthmoms side who love her immensely and spoil her even if it's from afar. I wish we lived closer so we could see them more often, but I know they think of her daily, pray for her daily and love her daily. I can't tell you how grateful I am for that.

Is this a joke?

Is this a joke? Should it be?

I get it. I do. Your the older brother and your pesky little sister does nothing but annoy you. So to get back at her you tell her she's actually adopted and watch her squirm as the prospect swirls through her head. I get that at age 7, this seems like the ultimate burn.

But is this how the world as a whole still views adoption? As a cruel joke? Well, look around Face.book long enough and you'll see it posted as "hilarious!" or "so funny and true!".

I've seen a few adoptive moms comment that it doesn't bother them and that they actually find it kinda funny. To each their own I guess, but what I see is the continuance of an uphill battle that my sweet girl will have to climb. The idea that adoption is a cruel joke or at best second best and, sorry, that's not ok with me.

I realize that we can't sensor the world. We can't completely keep our kids from hearing hurtful things in regard to adoption or being adopted, but what we can do is educate our little circles in whats appropriate and whats not. We can and we should. If we can't stand up and be advoctates for adoption acceptance, how can we expect our kids to be?

My new hobby hates me.

 If you've known me for any significant period of time it's very likely that you've heard me complain joke about how I hate running. For years I've looked at those overachieving, 5am waking, seriously in shape people running on the side of the road with a bit of suspicion wondering what in the world they saw in running endless miles while their bodies all but gave out on the sidewalk.

 So when Hubby, one of those crazy avid runner's I just mentioned, approached me before Christmas about making one of my New Years resolutions about running, I kinda chuckled while simultaneously giving him the evil eye. He proposed that one of my resolutions be that I would train to run a 5k with him this May. Honestly, when he said it in the back of my head I was thinking "yeah, ok. (insert obnoxious sarcasm)", but my mouth said "Hm. Maybe I'll give it some thought." You see, he's been encouraging me for years now to get back in shape. Not necessarily for the physical benefits, but for the long term health benefits. I really didn't want to push off his idea again and honestly I wanted to like running. So, I figured I'd give it a shot.

Well, I gave it a shot alright and as it turns out I love running! It's exhilarating, exhausting and extremely gratifying all at once! You set your goals and work hard to meet them and when you do you feel on top of the world! The problem is running does not love me. Or maybe it's my knee's that don't like running. I haven't quite figured out who to lay the blame on yet. But, nonetheless after my last run, where I was feeling great and shaved 2 1/2 minutes of my total time and getting within 5 minutes of running a 5k in 30 mins (my goal), my knees started to really hurt. I went and had a gate analysis done and found that my ankles pronate pretty badly. After doing some further research it seems the mixture of old shoes, pronation and being a new runner has  probably caused Pes Anserine Bursitis. Ouch and what a bummer! Just when I've fallen in love with my arch nemesis I'm taken out of the game... for a short time. I've ordered new shoes that should be here today and I'm religiously taking Ibprof.en and icing my wimpy knees. I'm coming back running... wait for me!


On the note of incing though I wanted to share a penny pinching trick with you. Those flexible ice packs can get pretty pricy espcially if you need to buy more than one. But what if I told you I had a DIY trick for you? Do you have Ziploc bags and Dawn dish soap? You do? Then you my friend have just saved $10+ per ice pack!

I used freezer bags for the extra ziploc protection and bought the $1 sized bottle of Dawn.

Pour entire Dawn bottle into Qt sized bag, squeeze air out and freeze!

About five minute after you remove them from the freezer they're completely flexible! Take that expensive ice packs!

Hopefully with the icing, resting and new shoes I'll be back to running quickly!!

11 Random things!

Ok! My Friend Ashley over at Expecting Miracles tagged me in this fun survay! Check it out!

Rules
1. Post these rules
2. You must post 11 random things about yourself
3. Answer the questions set for you in their post
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer
5. Go to their blog and tell them you've tagged them
6. Tag up to 11 people. (I think the rule is to tag 11 people, but I like to break rules sometimes! *evil grin* actually I'm just too tired to keep going.)

My 11 Random Things:

1. I love staying up late. Before Lovebug was born, I was such a night owl that going to bed before 11 felt ridiculously early. But, since becoming a mom I've had to curb my night owl ways. Nowadays if I'm up past 11 I start to panic thinking about how tired I'm going to be the next day! 

2. I LOVE to eat! When Hubby and I go out to dinner I'm always the one ordering these giant meals while he orders a salad. When the waiter comes back we always get a huge laugh because they without fail hand us the wrong plate. My eye's are always bigger than my stomach :)

3. Up until recently, when I let my license lapse, I was a licensed Real Estate Sales Associate. I became an agent when Hubby and I were first married thinking it would be a great job to have and be able to stay home with my future kids. The only problem was I HATED it! lol! Oops.

4. I have 2 (twin) older brothers. One that lives in New York and travels the world playing music and one that passed away 9 years ago at age 21 from Bacterial Meningitis. Both are amazing, self taught musicians that I'm very proud of and miss everyday.

5. I did not inherit musical talents like my brothers.

6. I consider myself to be pretty athletic. I've always loved sports and being competitive. Some of my favorite memories are from playing competitive soccer when I was younger. Recently I started running and LOVE it! Blog post to come!

7. I have a really hard time organizing junk. Seriously, when I see random things laying around the house my brain spazzes out and I cannot process where to put them. Sounds ridiculous I know, but it's true. I'm working really hard on changing this since toddlers leave random stuff EVERYWHERE!

8. I had a really hard time in high school. Not because the curriculum was too hard, but because life got really hard around that time. I know a lot of people say they wish they could go back and relive their teenage years, but you couldn't pay me enough to go back. No.Way.

9. I love being outdoors! Take me hiking, running, biking or walking any day of the week before you buy me a pedicure! I hate being stuck inside for too long.

10. I always thought I wanted 4-5 kids. Hubby is the oldest of 5 and I love when the whole family is together. But, now I'm seeing that 4-5 kids is not for us. We both feel like 2(or 3) kids is our magic number(s).

11. I can tie a cherry stem with my tongue. (<--------my most random fact! LOL!) 

Ashley's 11 Random Questions for me:

1. What was your favorite childhood toy?

The day I was born my Dad went out and bought me a stuffed giraffe. I still have it to this day and he carried on the tradition by giving one to Lovebug when she was born as well! My other favorite childhood toy was a small white bear that had a rattle inside. I still have it as well and it's in some of the family pictures we took recently.

2. What do you like best about your husband/significant other?

 My Hubby is a great mixture of an extremely hard worker and giant child! LOL! We have a lot of fun together and share so many interests and at the same time he always working hard to provide us with a great life.

3. What is your favorite dessert?

Hmmmm. I love anything where fruits and chocolates meet. Chocolate covered strawberries. Chocolate covered bananas. I also love brownies, cakes, cookies. I'll eat pretty much anything ;)

4. Describe one of your most memorable vacation experiences.

 Hubby and I traveled a lot before Lovebug was born, but this past summer when all 3 of us went to North Carolina and Georgia was probably my most memorable.  It was our first family vacation and we did some of our favorite things (hiking, mountain biking, visiting family) and we had our first visit with Lovebug's birthfamily!

5. What do you like to do to relax/unwind?

Just sit in one place! hehe! I feel like I move all day long. At night I like to curl up on the couch with my husband and watch TV or get online. I just need a chance to veg for a while.

6.What is the most random thing in your closet?

An old family bible from my dads side. It's from 1854 and it has everything in it from an 1880's obituary, to a gum wrapper, to multiple locks of different colored hair! It's undoubtedly one of the weirdest and coolest things I own!!

7.If money wasn't an object, what "luxury items" would you put in your house?

A fireplace, a pool, a live in chef and maid. Honestly, if money wasn't an object I'd love to live on land somewhere in North Georgia, Tennessee or the Carolinas with a moderate 5,000 sq ft house.... equipped with the aforementioned items! ;)

8.What trait do you admire in others that you wish you possessed?

The whole organization thing. I can get house work get away from me fast. I really admire those who seem to always have spotless houses!

9.What is your favorite fast-food restaurant?

Chick-Fil-A. Hands down.

10.You are having dinner with 3 of your favorite celebrities. Who are you with and what are you talking about?

Hmmm...You know there are certain celebrities that I like in terms of they always have great movies or music, but when it comes down to it they're all so pretentious and self centered! I don't know that I would actually enjoy having a conversation with any of them. 

11. What is your current favorite brand of shoe?
 Well, I'm so not into fashion so my favorite current shoe brand is Brooks! Haha! I just ordered my new running shoes and I'm so excited to get them and see how they help my improve my pace!

The people I'm tagging are:

Amber @ Bumbers Bumlings 

Adri @ finding a family

Jessica @ Her womb, our hearts

Jeny @ smiling through the rain

Misty @ McKinley Moments

Kierstin @ our family building adventure

My 11 Random Questions for You:

1. Favorite thing to do in your "spare" time?

2. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?

3. If you could choose any dream job what would it be?

4. If you have a guilty pleasure, what is it?

5. What has been the hardest question you've been confronted with regarding your childs adoption?

6. If you could meet anyone dead or alive, who would it be?

7. Favorite restaurant? 

8. What book are you currently reading or do you want to read?

9. If you struggled with IF, do you ever feel that people regard your decision to adopt as a "last resort" or "second best"? If so, how do you deal with it?

10. Whats to your immediate left?

11. If someone gave you 1 million dollars, how would you use it?

*By the way, I totally understand if you don't have the time to play along. I would love to learn more about you, though, if you can find the time!  And if you want to play along and I didn't tag you, consider yourself tagged!

Strangers intertwined

Have you ever thought about the reality of open adoption in the sense that from the get go your really just strangers suddenly intertwined in life. Up until this monumental point in both of your lives, you probably never knew the other existed. You have no idea how the other thinks, how they process their emotions, what their interests are, what they really hate. Sometimes you come from completely different backgrounds. Sometimes your backgrounds are eerily similar. You may find immediate commonalities only to find over time that you have just as many differences. You may click like you've been best friends forever or maybe you know from the start that this relationship will take major work.

You know, as obvious as it is, I'm not sure I understood the depth of this concept until we were in the thick of our open adoption.

The fact with open adoption is, with the birth of your child, suddenly 2 unconnected worlds become connected in a powerful way. On one side it's the most joyous occasion imaginable, on the other side it's quite possibly the most painful.

I'll be honest, open adoptions are hard. But, not for the reasons your Aunt Wilma "who once knew someone who adopted" thinks. It's not hard to share the joys of your child with her birthmother. It's not hard to look into your baby's eyes and know that she doesn't just have 4 grandparents who love her so, she has 6(or 8!) or that she not only has one Mommy who thinks she's the best thing on earth she has two. It's not hard to see your childs other family holding her close and loving her so. Those things are what make open adoptions worth it. The things that make you push through the tough times.

What's hard is knowing how to blend separate lives with different raging emotions on each side. It's hard to know what your open adoption should look like. It's hard to not panic slightly when you don't hear anything for a while especially when you've been sending out communication. It's hard to put your own emotions to the wayside and try and imagine what the other is going through. It's hard to even try to imagine what they go through.

Now I probably should clarify because I'm sure some of you might be wondering what happened? Why the somber post? Sorry to disappoint, but nothing has happened. Well, no bad interactions or anything of the sort. Just distancing and what I imagine are normal OA patterns of settling into reality. Honestly, some of the hardest parts of this is maybe learning how impatient I am or how I let my mind race to the worst case scenario first. It's just so important to me(us). It's sometimes hard to keep these emotions in check, but it's a must for OA survival.

In the end, the potential outcome is well worth it. What I invision in the future is beautiful Lovebug surrounded by her entire family as she grows up, as she graduates, as she gets married and as she becomes a Mommy herself. But, in the world of open adoptions it doesn't matter what one party invisions. I can only hope that we both have similar goals for sweet Lovebug and our open adoption. But, sometimes it's hard to tell. We are, after all, just strangers intertwined.

Are you ready? It's potty time!

I'm not sure I'm ready.

I'm not totally convinced Lovebug is ready.

But, she's giving us some tell tales clues that she's at least ready to feel it out.

I think we're going to just take it slow. Give her opportunities to to try it out and not make a huge deal about it. She's just so little still and I think making any sort of rigorous attempt to "potty train" at this point would be silly and will just be stressful for all of us.

So why push the issue? Yeah, don't worry, I can't find a why either. We're just going to take it slow. :)

So then there's the potty option. Potty seat or potty chair? I see the pros and cons to both:

Potty Chair (free standing):
  Pros

• At her level to get on and off
• Maybe less daunting than "The big potty"
• Portable! (the idea of her using public potties at this point is disgusting!)
• It's HER potty. I think she'd like having a special little throne of her own.

 Cons 

• One more thing to clean
• Because its at her level it would be easier to mess with
• One more transition to a big potty eventually

Potty Seat (attaches to big potty)
  Pros

• Already on the big potty so no huge transitions
• Somewhat portable if we're going to family or friends houses
• Intimating more grown up behavior because she sees us use the big potty too
• No mess to clean up 

 Cons

• Could fall off
• As she gets older is may be harder to get on and off alone

Well, after talking about this list we've decided to go with a potty seat. Lovebug transitions well to new things, so I'm not so much worried about that, but frankly I don't want to clean anymore than I currently do! Plus, she will already sit on the big potty with me holding her, so why stop the momentum? I still don't know what to do about public toilets (although this is still way off for us). I mean, I guess you use those paper seat covers, but still. Ew! How do you juggle all your stuff, putting the baby up on the seat, wiping and holding the babies hands so they don't touch anything?! I need more hands.

So anyhow, once she gets up from an apparent marathon nap today (seriously, we're currently working on 4 hours) we're headed off to Walmart to purchase her very own Sesa.me Street potty seat!!

*Tear* My baby is getting too big!

Open Adoption Round Table #33

The newest Open Adoption Roundtable prompt is up! Head over to Production Not Reproduction to read every ones responses!

"What did you learn about open adoption in 2011?"

Wow. I'm not sure I can contain all of what I've learned into one post, but I'll write about the few things that stuck out the most.

Letting go.

Letting go of fear. Fear of opening up too much and then fear of somehow losing touch. I let go of the first fear very early and then when I did the second one appeared. Fear does one thing and that's distract you from what God wants in you life: obedience and faith. I'm really trying to put those things first and trusting God to bring me through my fears.

Letting go of expectations. I think this is a big one for me. I feel like I put high expectations on our OA. Maybe expecting too much. I see now how that's really not fair. *We* may envision things evolving a certain way, but that doesn't mean everybody involved does and that's ok. I guess I'm learning to be content with whats happening and not stewing over whats not.

I've also learned that there are no two OA's alike. Each OA is comprised of individuals who bring their own strengths and weaknesses into the relationship. This goes back to being content and not heaping expectations on your OA. I've done it. I've seen other people's OA situations and really wanted certain aspects for us. But, that's not how it works. We love our Lovebugs birth family and we're happy to have them in our lives in what ever way we get them. <------Learning to be content!

2011 is really just the start for us. We're still getting our bearings and testing the waters. Learning every step of the way.

Overall, we had a great year! 2011 brought us many joys and we're super excited to see what 2012 brings!

All is well

 I've had a few sweet friends check in on me since I temporarily closed my blog a few weeks ago (which, ps, was really sweet of them!) and all is well here! I just needed a short break and time away. But, I'm back and hoping to whip up some mind bending (or at least half way decent) blog posts in the new future!




Stay tuned!