This time around

Today, I'm a rollarcoaster of emotions. Yesterday, a rock grounded in Gods peace. Tomorrow, well we'll see.

Since my last post, Hubby and I decided to take a step in faith and start the adoption process earlier than expected. We rushed to get things done, finger prints, profiles, homestudy. We've been a flurry of excitement and apprehension. Trying to remember that above all, above the excitement and anticipation, we want Gods will and timing for our lives.

We've been shown to 3 different expectant moms so far, 2 choosing other families and one is still considering us and 2 other families. It's funny, but when I found out we'd been passed up by 2 moms I didn't feel sad. I felt total peace. I know God lead us to submit our application and profiles now, for these situations, but I didn't know why. Maybe because one of these babies is our child, maybe as a step in faith, maybe to serve as "options" even though God had already chosen other parents. Maybe for all of the above. It's hard to know for sure right now, but what I do know is I'm right where God wants me. He wants me here and even though I feel like I'm hanging in limbo, foot on the line waiting for the gun to sound, the anticipation building as each second passes, I feel Gods hand on my shoulder reassuring me that he's got this.

So in the mean time, I'm soaking up my sweet girl. These could be that last days I have with only her and she's getting too big to fast. I'd like to really pause at this age. At 20 months she's talking more and more each day, stringing new words together and being as funny as ever. Hubby and I keep having these super sentimental moments where Lovebug will be playing and we'll just be staring at her. One of us will remark and how fast she's growing and then we'll both look at each other and sigh. Where has our baby gone? But, as sad as it is to see one phase go, it's equally as exciting to welcome the next one. Except when it comes to the temper tantrum stage which we've just recently hit. Honestly, at this point it's not bad. More funny than anything. But, I know that eventually the endearing factor to her throwing herself to the ground in a fit of protest will fade away and then we'll be in the thick of it! But, again we'll have to rely on that ever present hand on our shoulders saying "I got this" and let Him guide us along!

"...All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" Psalm 139:16