Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The loney island of 7 million

I've been reading a lot of adoption and infertility blogs lately and I have to say how amazed I am at some of the stories. The pain involved, the determination, the triumph, the love. But, one this that strikes my heart every time is the similarities in all of our stories.

If you've ever been a part of the infertile club, you'd know it can be a very lonely place. I can't tell you how many times I felt as if no one could possibly understand how much I hurt, yet thousands and thousands of women were feeling that exact way probably at that exact moment. The truth is the lonely island called infertility is not so lonely after all. It's down right packed! The last statistic I saw  from the CDC said "Number of women ages 15-44 with impaired fecundity (impaired ability to have children): 7.3 million". 7.3 million! How did I ever feel as if it was only me that felt the way I did?

Although infertility is not a part of my everyday life anymore, I still feel a tie to it. I don't feel that pain of infertility as I once did. In the past, my struggles with infertility directly tied to my being a mother. I felt so much pain in that whatever was wrong with me was preventing me from the biggest desire of my heart. Well, now I have the biggest desire of my heart and with no help of my own body! Bringing our daughter home has been the biggest blessing of our lives! She has positively affected every aspect of our lives, including my thoughts on my fertility. If I never conceive a baby at this point I will be lacking nothing in my children. Lovebug is my heart and it would be impossible to love her anymore than I do. Absolutely impossible.

My thoughts on my infertility at this point are mixed. In one sense I feel blessed! Thank you Lord that you led me to this beautiful child in whatever way you had to! I would go through it all again if it meant I could be her mom! But, at times there's still a twinge of pain, but, not for any children that could come from my conceiving. Rather the pain comes from feeling stripped of the experience of being pregnant or the apparent ease of planning our family. It's not an overwhelming pain by any means, but it's more a cramp that comes in waves. Annoying at most.

But, even in my times where I feel I may be missing out on the experience of being pregnant, I'm quickly reminded of how many people are missing out on this experience and how blessed I truly am to have been granted the experience of adopting!


  1. I understand, exactly, how you feel! Though as our son gets older, the pain of infertility comes back. I can't just "plan" another child as most people do. I feel like we are back at square one on family building!

  2. That's one of the hardest parts, isn't it?! Lovebug is about to turn 1 and although we're not ready yet, we've already discussed when to start the process again. Honestly, it's exhausting to even think about! Hopefully we both have smooth sailings the second time around ;)