Monday, September 12, 2011

My own

If I've heard it once I've heard it a thousand times. It's one of those phrases that, as a mom through adoption, makes me cringe at times and laugh at times. The use of the phrase "my own" or "your own".

"Oh, you couldn't have children of your own?"

"Do you think this time you'll try for your own?"

"I don't know if we'll adopt. I just want children of my own."

What is "My own"? Well according to Webster "own" is defined 2 ways:

1. belonging to oneself or itself —usually used following a possessive case or possessive adjective <cooked my own dinner>
2.—used to express immediate or direct kinship <an own son> <an own sister>

I always try to smile when I hear this phrase and gently reply, "Lovebug couldn't be more my own!" because even by Websters definition she couldn't! "My own" is not measured in DNA or inherited characteristics, but rather being directly connected as mother and child! A connection that is formed through love and a connection that even Webster would have a hard time finding words for.

This past weekend my mother-in-law and I were talking and she mentioned an acquaintance we know who is experiencing IF. She over heard her and another friend talking the other day when our mutual friend mentioned to the acquaintance that my mother-in-law was a grandmother through adoption and that after a few years of IF we'd made the best decision of our lives and decided to adopt. Our friend went on to ooze her own love for Lovebug and what a blessing from above she's been for all of us. The acquaintances response? "Yeah, but we really just want our own baby."

I wish I could shake her and say "do you know what your missing? Can you even fathom this blessing that we've been given? She is our own and we wouldn't trade her for biology ever!"

But, I can't and won't. Everybody deserves their own time to search and decide. I guess theres a part of me that could go back in time and say those things to myself. Maybe I would have avoided 5 years of hurt if I could have only known what I know now.

The best part of the conversation though was hearing how my mother-in-law responded. Entering into adoption you know you and your Hubby will love your baby to the ends of the earth, but how will the rest of your family feel? Well, this just sums up really how our entire family feels about Lovebug: My mother-in-law said when she heard the acquaintance say the "my own" phrase she just laughed (inside) and thought "that baby couldn't be more my own. Nothing would change the way I love her. She's my granddaughter!"

Our family is so blessed by Lovebug. She's most definitely our own.


  1. Beautiful! I feel the same way - have I ever said that I really think we are kindred spirits??

    I was at an adoptive parent get-together this weekend and everyone was introducing themselves and sharing their adoption situation. Can you believe that one couple actually said, "we have two children of our own and two that we adopted"??

    I was shocked and realized that they didn't really "get it"!

  2. I've thought the same thing reading your posts! Separated at birth maybe? ;)

    That's...sad. Hopefully they start to "get it" before their kids are old enough to!

    I could have 20 biological kids after Lovebug (The new D.uggars?) and she'd still hold my heart. She's my first, my girl, my baby. <3

  3. Wow-- great post!! Soooo true that people don't know what they are missing!! It reminds me of people saying they couldn't do an open adoption because they wouldn't want to share--- don't they know our children are gifts from God for us to share! See you soon!!

  4. Great post! I feel exactly the same way.