Word of God speak

Whew. Ever have your plans laid out and then God throws you a curve ball that you have to decide quickly whether to swing at or let it pass you by and hope it wasn't a strike? Yeah, we're there.

Our plans. Let me first start out by saying, you'd think by now we'd know that *our* plans rarely work out the way we planned them. But, our plans for baby number 2 have been that we would start the adoption process at the beginning of summer. We have a few things that we'd like to get done before then, a few which are already done and few that aren't and it seemed like a good time frame.

Well, this past weekend we learned, with out going into too much detail, that there are a handful of babies that are going to be born by May and only 1 family open to adopting them. Hearing this our hearts sank. WE would love to be parents to anyone of these sweet babies, but how could it work in time? Financially how could we raise all the fee's needed, buy all the baby stuff we need, and prepare for another family memeber in just 2 1/2 months?!

Then yesterday, after praying for guidance and asking to hear the Lords voice clearly, I opened my bible to the first chapter of Luke (the next book to read in my reading plan). I couldn't help but notice the theme: in 2 separate occasions angels appeared to announce that a son would be born in an unlikely circumstances (John the Baptist and Jesus) and although in both circumstances there was a bit of confusion, Gabriel told Mary this:

 "For with God nothing will be impossible.” Luke 1:37

Wow! Thank you Lord! The words jumped off the page and straight into my heart. Nothing will be impossible! Not finances. Not life circumstances. Nothing!

Hubby and I are still committing this to prayer, but I know whatever he tells us and whatever our path maybe, Luke 1:37 is a promise straight from God that I will cling to in every circumstance! Praise God!

If you could, pray for us. Pray for Gods clear guidance and provisions. We want His will of our lives and the life of our future child. Pray that His will be done.

The chain of love: Grandparents

Grandmas. I love Grandmas. Grandpas too for that matter, but sadly I lost both of mine fairly early. But, there's something about a Grandma that just makes you feel warm and loved. There tho ones that would spoil you and send you home as a kid. The ones that looked on is horror when your mother dared to scold her perfect little baby when that baby broke the rules. They're just the ultimate soft place to land... like a mom and steroids.

Lovebugs Grandma's fit just that. She can do no wrong to them and all they care to do is just watch her be and cuddle with her. I feel so blesses for my sweet little girl that she has 2 amazing Grandma's (and Grandpa's) that melt at the mention of her name. Seriously, my mom will call and ask how "our baby" is doing that day. I can respond with "She's good. We're having a snack." and all I can hear is a long drawn out "Awwweeeee!" on the other end of the phone. I'm pretty sure I could say anything about Lovebug to her and get that response. I know that forever she'll have that soft place to land with them. An understanding ear and a warm hug. There's just no words to describe that kind of love.

Lovebug also has 2 Great Grandma's who adore her every move. Hubbys Grandma just got Skype and her first thought was... I can call Lovebug now whenever I want! She was so excited to be able to do that. Then last night I was talking with my Grandma when I mentioned that Lovebug had been sick. She quickly interrupted me and said "What?! Whats wrong with my baby?!" She then went on to mush over how Lovebug is the cutest baby ever (and added a "sorry, you were cute too, but Lovebug... well she's the cutest!" lol!) and then toward the end of the conversation she said  "I just don't know how you two got so lucky as to be her parents..."  I don't know either Gabby. I don't know either.

Then to top off the Grandparent love, Lovebug also has a Grandma and Grandpa on her Birthmoms side who love her immensely and spoil her even if it's from afar. I wish we lived closer so we could see them more often, but I know they think of her daily, pray for her daily and love her daily. I can't tell you how grateful I am for that.

Is this a joke?

Is this a joke? Should it be?

I get it. I do. Your the older brother and your pesky little sister does nothing but annoy you. So to get back at her you tell her she's actually adopted and watch her squirm as the prospect swirls through her head. I get that at age 7, this seems like the ultimate burn.

But is this how the world as a whole still views adoption? As a cruel joke? Well, look around Face.book long enough and you'll see it posted as "hilarious!" or "so funny and true!".

I've seen a few adoptive moms comment that it doesn't bother them and that they actually find it kinda funny. To each their own I guess, but what I see is the continuance of an uphill battle that my sweet girl will have to climb. The idea that adoption is a cruel joke or at best second best and, sorry, that's not ok with me.

I realize that we can't sensor the world. We can't completely keep our kids from hearing hurtful things in regard to adoption or being adopted, but what we can do is educate our little circles in whats appropriate and whats not. We can and we should. If we can't stand up and be advoctates for adoption acceptance, how can we expect our kids to be?

My new hobby hates me.

 If you've known me for any significant period of time it's very likely that you've heard me complain joke about how I hate running. For years I've looked at those overachieving, 5am waking, seriously in shape people running on the side of the road with a bit of suspicion wondering what in the world they saw in running endless miles while their bodies all but gave out on the sidewalk.

 So when Hubby, one of those crazy avid runner's I just mentioned, approached me before Christmas about making one of my New Years resolutions about running, I kinda chuckled while simultaneously giving him the evil eye. He proposed that one of my resolutions be that I would train to run a 5k with him this May. Honestly, when he said it in the back of my head I was thinking "yeah, ok. (insert obnoxious sarcasm)", but my mouth said "Hm. Maybe I'll give it some thought." You see, he's been encouraging me for years now to get back in shape. Not necessarily for the physical benefits, but for the long term health benefits. I really didn't want to push off his idea again and honestly I wanted to like running. So, I figured I'd give it a shot.

Well, I gave it a shot alright and as it turns out I love running! It's exhilarating, exhausting and extremely gratifying all at once! You set your goals and work hard to meet them and when you do you feel on top of the world! The problem is running does not love me. Or maybe it's my knee's that don't like running. I haven't quite figured out who to lay the blame on yet. But, nonetheless after my last run, where I was feeling great and shaved 2 1/2 minutes of my total time and getting within 5 minutes of running a 5k in 30 mins (my goal), my knees started to really hurt. I went and had a gate analysis done and found that my ankles pronate pretty badly. After doing some further research it seems the mixture of old shoes, pronation and being a new runner has  probably caused Pes Anserine Bursitis. Ouch and what a bummer! Just when I've fallen in love with my arch nemesis I'm taken out of the game... for a short time. I've ordered new shoes that should be here today and I'm religiously taking Ibprof.en and icing my wimpy knees. I'm coming back running... wait for me!


On the note of incing though I wanted to share a penny pinching trick with you. Those flexible ice packs can get pretty pricy espcially if you need to buy more than one. But what if I told you I had a DIY trick for you? Do you have Ziploc bags and Dawn dish soap? You do? Then you my friend have just saved $10+ per ice pack!

I used freezer bags for the extra ziploc protection and bought the $1 sized bottle of Dawn.

Pour entire Dawn bottle into Qt sized bag, squeeze air out and freeze!

About five minute after you remove them from the freezer they're completely flexible! Take that expensive ice packs!

Hopefully with the icing, resting and new shoes I'll be back to running quickly!!

11 Random things!

Ok! My Friend Ashley over at Expecting Miracles tagged me in this fun survay! Check it out!

Rules
1. Post these rules
2. You must post 11 random things about yourself
3. Answer the questions set for you in their post
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer
5. Go to their blog and tell them you've tagged them
6. Tag up to 11 people. (I think the rule is to tag 11 people, but I like to break rules sometimes! *evil grin* actually I'm just too tired to keep going.)

My 11 Random Things:

1. I love staying up late. Before Lovebug was born, I was such a night owl that going to bed before 11 felt ridiculously early. But, since becoming a mom I've had to curb my night owl ways. Nowadays if I'm up past 11 I start to panic thinking about how tired I'm going to be the next day! 

2. I LOVE to eat! When Hubby and I go out to dinner I'm always the one ordering these giant meals while he orders a salad. When the waiter comes back we always get a huge laugh because they without fail hand us the wrong plate. My eye's are always bigger than my stomach :)

3. Up until recently, when I let my license lapse, I was a licensed Real Estate Sales Associate. I became an agent when Hubby and I were first married thinking it would be a great job to have and be able to stay home with my future kids. The only problem was I HATED it! lol! Oops.

4. I have 2 (twin) older brothers. One that lives in New York and travels the world playing music and one that passed away 9 years ago at age 21 from Bacterial Meningitis. Both are amazing, self taught musicians that I'm very proud of and miss everyday.

5. I did not inherit musical talents like my brothers.

6. I consider myself to be pretty athletic. I've always loved sports and being competitive. Some of my favorite memories are from playing competitive soccer when I was younger. Recently I started running and LOVE it! Blog post to come!

7. I have a really hard time organizing junk. Seriously, when I see random things laying around the house my brain spazzes out and I cannot process where to put them. Sounds ridiculous I know, but it's true. I'm working really hard on changing this since toddlers leave random stuff EVERYWHERE!

8. I had a really hard time in high school. Not because the curriculum was too hard, but because life got really hard around that time. I know a lot of people say they wish they could go back and relive their teenage years, but you couldn't pay me enough to go back. No.Way.

9. I love being outdoors! Take me hiking, running, biking or walking any day of the week before you buy me a pedicure! I hate being stuck inside for too long.

10. I always thought I wanted 4-5 kids. Hubby is the oldest of 5 and I love when the whole family is together. But, now I'm seeing that 4-5 kids is not for us. We both feel like 2(or 3) kids is our magic number(s).

11. I can tie a cherry stem with my tongue. (<--------my most random fact! LOL!) 

Ashley's 11 Random Questions for me:

1. What was your favorite childhood toy?

The day I was born my Dad went out and bought me a stuffed giraffe. I still have it to this day and he carried on the tradition by giving one to Lovebug when she was born as well! My other favorite childhood toy was a small white bear that had a rattle inside. I still have it as well and it's in some of the family pictures we took recently.

2. What do you like best about your husband/significant other?

 My Hubby is a great mixture of an extremely hard worker and giant child! LOL! We have a lot of fun together and share so many interests and at the same time he always working hard to provide us with a great life.

3. What is your favorite dessert?

Hmmmm. I love anything where fruits and chocolates meet. Chocolate covered strawberries. Chocolate covered bananas. I also love brownies, cakes, cookies. I'll eat pretty much anything ;)

4. Describe one of your most memorable vacation experiences.

 Hubby and I traveled a lot before Lovebug was born, but this past summer when all 3 of us went to North Carolina and Georgia was probably my most memorable.  It was our first family vacation and we did some of our favorite things (hiking, mountain biking, visiting family) and we had our first visit with Lovebug's birthfamily!

5. What do you like to do to relax/unwind?

Just sit in one place! hehe! I feel like I move all day long. At night I like to curl up on the couch with my husband and watch TV or get online. I just need a chance to veg for a while.

6.What is the most random thing in your closet?

An old family bible from my dads side. It's from 1854 and it has everything in it from an 1880's obituary, to a gum wrapper, to multiple locks of different colored hair! It's undoubtedly one of the weirdest and coolest things I own!!

7.If money wasn't an object, what "luxury items" would you put in your house?

A fireplace, a pool, a live in chef and maid. Honestly, if money wasn't an object I'd love to live on land somewhere in North Georgia, Tennessee or the Carolinas with a moderate 5,000 sq ft house.... equipped with the aforementioned items! ;)

8.What trait do you admire in others that you wish you possessed?

The whole organization thing. I can get house work get away from me fast. I really admire those who seem to always have spotless houses!

9.What is your favorite fast-food restaurant?

Chick-Fil-A. Hands down.

10.You are having dinner with 3 of your favorite celebrities. Who are you with and what are you talking about?

Hmmm...You know there are certain celebrities that I like in terms of they always have great movies or music, but when it comes down to it they're all so pretentious and self centered! I don't know that I would actually enjoy having a conversation with any of them. 

11. What is your current favorite brand of shoe?
 Well, I'm so not into fashion so my favorite current shoe brand is Brooks! Haha! I just ordered my new running shoes and I'm so excited to get them and see how they help my improve my pace!

The people I'm tagging are:

Amber @ Bumbers Bumlings 

Adri @ finding a family

Jessica @ Her womb, our hearts

Jeny @ smiling through the rain

Misty @ McKinley Moments

Kierstin @ our family building adventure

My 11 Random Questions for You:

1. Favorite thing to do in your "spare" time?

2. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why?

3. If you could choose any dream job what would it be?

4. If you have a guilty pleasure, what is it?

5. What has been the hardest question you've been confronted with regarding your childs adoption?

6. If you could meet anyone dead or alive, who would it be?

7. Favorite restaurant? 

8. What book are you currently reading or do you want to read?

9. If you struggled with IF, do you ever feel that people regard your decision to adopt as a "last resort" or "second best"? If so, how do you deal with it?

10. Whats to your immediate left?

11. If someone gave you 1 million dollars, how would you use it?

*By the way, I totally understand if you don't have the time to play along. I would love to learn more about you, though, if you can find the time!  And if you want to play along and I didn't tag you, consider yourself tagged!

Strangers intertwined

Have you ever thought about the reality of open adoption in the sense that from the get go your really just strangers suddenly intertwined in life. Up until this monumental point in both of your lives, you probably never knew the other existed. You have no idea how the other thinks, how they process their emotions, what their interests are, what they really hate. Sometimes you come from completely different backgrounds. Sometimes your backgrounds are eerily similar. You may find immediate commonalities only to find over time that you have just as many differences. You may click like you've been best friends forever or maybe you know from the start that this relationship will take major work.

You know, as obvious as it is, I'm not sure I understood the depth of this concept until we were in the thick of our open adoption.

The fact with open adoption is, with the birth of your child, suddenly 2 unconnected worlds become connected in a powerful way. On one side it's the most joyous occasion imaginable, on the other side it's quite possibly the most painful.

I'll be honest, open adoptions are hard. But, not for the reasons your Aunt Wilma "who once knew someone who adopted" thinks. It's not hard to share the joys of your child with her birthmother. It's not hard to look into your baby's eyes and know that she doesn't just have 4 grandparents who love her so, she has 6(or 8!) or that she not only has one Mommy who thinks she's the best thing on earth she has two. It's not hard to see your childs other family holding her close and loving her so. Those things are what make open adoptions worth it. The things that make you push through the tough times.

What's hard is knowing how to blend separate lives with different raging emotions on each side. It's hard to know what your open adoption should look like. It's hard to not panic slightly when you don't hear anything for a while especially when you've been sending out communication. It's hard to put your own emotions to the wayside and try and imagine what the other is going through. It's hard to even try to imagine what they go through.

Now I probably should clarify because I'm sure some of you might be wondering what happened? Why the somber post? Sorry to disappoint, but nothing has happened. Well, no bad interactions or anything of the sort. Just distancing and what I imagine are normal OA patterns of settling into reality. Honestly, some of the hardest parts of this is maybe learning how impatient I am or how I let my mind race to the worst case scenario first. It's just so important to me(us). It's sometimes hard to keep these emotions in check, but it's a must for OA survival.

In the end, the potential outcome is well worth it. What I invision in the future is beautiful Lovebug surrounded by her entire family as she grows up, as she graduates, as she gets married and as she becomes a Mommy herself. But, in the world of open adoptions it doesn't matter what one party invisions. I can only hope that we both have similar goals for sweet Lovebug and our open adoption. But, sometimes it's hard to tell. We are, after all, just strangers intertwined.

Are you ready? It's potty time!

I'm not sure I'm ready.

I'm not totally convinced Lovebug is ready.

But, she's giving us some tell tales clues that she's at least ready to feel it out.

I think we're going to just take it slow. Give her opportunities to to try it out and not make a huge deal about it. She's just so little still and I think making any sort of rigorous attempt to "potty train" at this point would be silly and will just be stressful for all of us.

So why push the issue? Yeah, don't worry, I can't find a why either. We're just going to take it slow. :)

So then there's the potty option. Potty seat or potty chair? I see the pros and cons to both:

Potty Chair (free standing):
  Pros

• At her level to get on and off
• Maybe less daunting than "The big potty"
• Portable! (the idea of her using public potties at this point is disgusting!)
• It's HER potty. I think she'd like having a special little throne of her own.

 Cons 

• One more thing to clean
• Because its at her level it would be easier to mess with
• One more transition to a big potty eventually

Potty Seat (attaches to big potty)
  Pros

• Already on the big potty so no huge transitions
• Somewhat portable if we're going to family or friends houses
• Intimating more grown up behavior because she sees us use the big potty too
• No mess to clean up 

 Cons

• Could fall off
• As she gets older is may be harder to get on and off alone

Well, after talking about this list we've decided to go with a potty seat. Lovebug transitions well to new things, so I'm not so much worried about that, but frankly I don't want to clean anymore than I currently do! Plus, she will already sit on the big potty with me holding her, so why stop the momentum? I still don't know what to do about public toilets (although this is still way off for us). I mean, I guess you use those paper seat covers, but still. Ew! How do you juggle all your stuff, putting the baby up on the seat, wiping and holding the babies hands so they don't touch anything?! I need more hands.

So anyhow, once she gets up from an apparent marathon nap today (seriously, we're currently working on 4 hours) we're headed off to Walmart to purchase her very own Sesa.me Street potty seat!!

*Tear* My baby is getting too big!