Strangers intertwined

Have you ever thought about the reality of open adoption in the sense that from the get go your really just strangers suddenly intertwined in life. Up until this monumental point in both of your lives, you probably never knew the other existed. You have no idea how the other thinks, how they process their emotions, what their interests are, what they really hate. Sometimes you come from completely different backgrounds. Sometimes your backgrounds are eerily similar. You may find immediate commonalities only to find over time that you have just as many differences. You may click like you've been best friends forever or maybe you know from the start that this relationship will take major work.

You know, as obvious as it is, I'm not sure I understood the depth of this concept until we were in the thick of our open adoption.

The fact with open adoption is, with the birth of your child, suddenly 2 unconnected worlds become connected in a powerful way. On one side it's the most joyous occasion imaginable, on the other side it's quite possibly the most painful.

I'll be honest, open adoptions are hard. But, not for the reasons your Aunt Wilma "who once knew someone who adopted" thinks. It's not hard to share the joys of your child with her birthmother. It's not hard to look into your baby's eyes and know that she doesn't just have 4 grandparents who love her so, she has 6(or 8!) or that she not only has one Mommy who thinks she's the best thing on earth she has two. It's not hard to see your childs other family holding her close and loving her so. Those things are what make open adoptions worth it. The things that make you push through the tough times.

What's hard is knowing how to blend separate lives with different raging emotions on each side. It's hard to know what your open adoption should look like. It's hard to not panic slightly when you don't hear anything for a while especially when you've been sending out communication. It's hard to put your own emotions to the wayside and try and imagine what the other is going through. It's hard to even try to imagine what they go through.

Now I probably should clarify because I'm sure some of you might be wondering what happened? Why the somber post? Sorry to disappoint, but nothing has happened. Well, no bad interactions or anything of the sort. Just distancing and what I imagine are normal OA patterns of settling into reality. Honestly, some of the hardest parts of this is maybe learning how impatient I am or how I let my mind race to the worst case scenario first. It's just so important to me(us). It's sometimes hard to keep these emotions in check, but it's a must for OA survival.

In the end, the potential outcome is well worth it. What I invision in the future is beautiful Lovebug surrounded by her entire family as she grows up, as she graduates, as she gets married and as she becomes a Mommy herself. But, in the world of open adoptions it doesn't matter what one party invisions. I can only hope that we both have similar goals for sweet Lovebug and our open adoption. But, sometimes it's hard to tell. We are, after all, just strangers intertwined.

Are you ready? It's potty time!

I'm not sure I'm ready.

I'm not totally convinced Lovebug is ready.

But, she's giving us some tell tales clues that she's at least ready to feel it out.

I think we're going to just take it slow. Give her opportunities to to try it out and not make a huge deal about it. She's just so little still and I think making any sort of rigorous attempt to "potty train" at this point would be silly and will just be stressful for all of us.

So why push the issue? Yeah, don't worry, I can't find a why either. We're just going to take it slow. :)

So then there's the potty option. Potty seat or potty chair? I see the pros and cons to both:

Potty Chair (free standing):
  Pros

• At her level to get on and off
• Maybe less daunting than "The big potty"
• Portable! (the idea of her using public potties at this point is disgusting!)
• It's HER potty. I think she'd like having a special little throne of her own.

 Cons 

• One more thing to clean
• Because its at her level it would be easier to mess with
• One more transition to a big potty eventually

Potty Seat (attaches to big potty)
  Pros

• Already on the big potty so no huge transitions
• Somewhat portable if we're going to family or friends houses
• Intimating more grown up behavior because she sees us use the big potty too
• No mess to clean up 

 Cons

• Could fall off
• As she gets older is may be harder to get on and off alone

Well, after talking about this list we've decided to go with a potty seat. Lovebug transitions well to new things, so I'm not so much worried about that, but frankly I don't want to clean anymore than I currently do! Plus, she will already sit on the big potty with me holding her, so why stop the momentum? I still don't know what to do about public toilets (although this is still way off for us). I mean, I guess you use those paper seat covers, but still. Ew! How do you juggle all your stuff, putting the baby up on the seat, wiping and holding the babies hands so they don't touch anything?! I need more hands.

So anyhow, once she gets up from an apparent marathon nap today (seriously, we're currently working on 4 hours) we're headed off to Walmart to purchase her very own Sesa.me Street potty seat!!

*Tear* My baby is getting too big!

Open Adoption Round Table #33

The newest Open Adoption Roundtable prompt is up! Head over to Production Not Reproduction to read every ones responses!

"What did you learn about open adoption in 2011?"

Wow. I'm not sure I can contain all of what I've learned into one post, but I'll write about the few things that stuck out the most.

Letting go.

Letting go of fear. Fear of opening up too much and then fear of somehow losing touch. I let go of the first fear very early and then when I did the second one appeared. Fear does one thing and that's distract you from what God wants in you life: obedience and faith. I'm really trying to put those things first and trusting God to bring me through my fears.

Letting go of expectations. I think this is a big one for me. I feel like I put high expectations on our OA. Maybe expecting too much. I see now how that's really not fair. *We* may envision things evolving a certain way, but that doesn't mean everybody involved does and that's ok. I guess I'm learning to be content with whats happening and not stewing over whats not.

I've also learned that there are no two OA's alike. Each OA is comprised of individuals who bring their own strengths and weaknesses into the relationship. This goes back to being content and not heaping expectations on your OA. I've done it. I've seen other people's OA situations and really wanted certain aspects for us. But, that's not how it works. We love our Lovebugs birth family and we're happy to have them in our lives in what ever way we get them. <------Learning to be content!

2011 is really just the start for us. We're still getting our bearings and testing the waters. Learning every step of the way.

Overall, we had a great year! 2011 brought us many joys and we're super excited to see what 2012 brings!

All is well

 I've had a few sweet friends check in on me since I temporarily closed my blog a few weeks ago (which, ps, was really sweet of them!) and all is well here! I just needed a short break and time away. But, I'm back and hoping to whip up some mind bending (or at least half way decent) blog posts in the new future!




Stay tuned!

Gobble, gobble, gobble!

Ok, I love sending people gifts and cutesy homemade gifts are the best! I mean, what mom doesn't love something made by their child? So with thanksgiving around the corner I jumped at the chance to make 2 handprint turkeys, one for me and one for Lovebugs birthmama!

It was really fun and Lovebug loved getting her hands all messy! It's also a great way to preserve a print of those ever growing hands. Never again will they be this small!

I pray that it blesses her birthfamily as much as it blessed us to make it!

It's a bird! It's a Plane! Oh wait, it's my hubby!

Our day today consisted of a lot running around in a non child friendly environment, a few temper tantrums, lots of snacks, no nap and  a much longer wait time than expected due to some clouds and wind. But, in the end my sweet Hubby got to do something he's wanted to do for a long time. So in the end I can say it was well worth it!

Woohoo!!!

Right after landing! Whew. Was I relieved at this point!

My ridiculously handsome husband and beautiful baby girl!! I love these two!

I'm back people!

Back form where you ask? Well, it's an expensive place with less food and more supermarket trips. It's call a couponing hiatus.

For probably a month now, I've been a major slacker when it comes to couponing... and by that I mean I haven't couponed at all. Honestly, I've been so frustrated at myself. Trips that used to cost $30 were costing me $70. Every time I shopped I would think "Hmm, I wonder how much money I COULD be saving with this trip?" leaving me with  a disappointing feeling and a lighter wallet.

The thing is, is couponing is hard work and takes lots of time and energy and anyone with a 15 month old, or child at all for that matter, knows sometimes there's not any extra time or energy to spare. So, I let myself slack. And on top of that, the deals hadn't really matched up with our needs so there was extra incentive to not do it.

So what sparked my couponing craze again? I'll tell you: It was the very well timed "X amount of dollars off your purchase" coupons in this weeks paper, coupled with my "X amount of dollar off of your purchase" coupons that I just got in the mail! Who could resist saving $15 per $50 transaction? Not me. So, it's lit the fire in me and I went for it!


In the past few days I've spent probably 3+ hours planning this one trip. From making my list, to printing online coupons, to clipping paper coupons, it's taken up a large chuck of relaxation, er, cleaning time while Lovebug sleeps. But, I can now say it was worth it! Check it out!

I got all of this for $52 and saved $121!! Now, some will say spending $52 does not equal a great couponing trip, but to me it does. Unless I make 2 trips to the store, one for couponing deals and one for our fresh items, I'll always spend above the Ex.treme C.ouponing's standard of free or nearly free. But, that's ok. I still saved $121 and spent $48 under my weekly budget!! Woohoo!

So what did I get? Well, I got 3 boxes of cereal, a box of Triscuts, a box of Wheat Thins, 3 boxes of pasta, 2 jars spaghetti sauce, 1 gallon organic milk, 1/2 gallon organic milk, 4 bags frozen veggies, frozen sweet patato tater tots, 2 boxes of Ritz, 4 dish sponges, whole wheat bread, 2 bottles of syrup, 4 cans Del Monte tomatoes, 2 cans beef broth, 2 cans evaporated milk, Nutella, 2 bags shredded cheese, 2 containers of gourmet (oh, lala!) spreadable cheese, 2 bottles of mouthwash, 2 bottles of Lysol, 2 containers of icecream, 2 12 packs of La.Croix, yellow rice, 1 lb organic ground beef, 1 lb organic chicken, 4 green bell peppers, 1 onion, 2 apples, 2 pears and 2 containers of sour cream! Whew!

Now most of the non fresh items were both BOGO and I had coupons for them (anywhere from .50 off to $1). But, the biggest money saver by far was the fact that I had both $5 off $30 Publix coupons and I had $10 off of $50 competitor coupons! So, I split my haul up into 2 transactions, both over $50 and I was able to save $15 on each transaction just from those coupons alone! All I can say is... score! :)

Couponing can really be a great thing. It can save loads of money and leave you with a sense of sticking it to the man accomplishment. But, it shouldn't become burdensome or interfere with family life. So my advice is, if it's a good week and your feeling it, go for it! If not, give yourself a break and and shop as wisely as you can. I've come to realize that deals come and go, but maintaining your sanity is a must!